Aug 4th 2005
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Just plugged this computer thing back in de wall! Looks like it has been chucked around all over the place. Looks like everything’s bin chucked around the place. Wot shall I say…baaaaaaaaaaa. Said it. Big fucking deal…. karvous de poof has gone in to de quiet room to look around I will do t
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. God only knows what’s been going on in this place the past few weeks! It’s a bit scary actually.
I am going to bed. It’s late enough for night urchins to be up! I hate my bed. I hate being back here. It fucking stinks!
It stinks of eyes!
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Aug 5th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Pissing down rain. No sign of Tim. Don’t know what we’re doing here. I bet when you read this diary you have an idea of what it’s like here, well that’s what I used to think when I read all that stuff from the ‘you know who’ concern, but it’s not like that at all. I don’t think Cardiacs is my fave group any more. I can’t tell Tim yet but I told Babba as an experiment. He gave me a look that suggested my experiment had failed.
Entry 2. Tim’s back. He said he’d spent the last while down the descent. I think he is a liar. He doesn’t look very well and smells like a wet dog smells.
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Aug 7th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Had the Scaramanga Six here for the weekend recording some more of their album. This album will rule. Kavus is missing. I think he is jealous. Or he might be away recording with Jonny Four again. Who knows. Who fucking cares. Had a good idea for a song today but it went away.
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Aug 10th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I want to see what the others have written in this. We won’t see it until the internet computer website thing gets done. I bet they censor most of it. I wonder what the others say about me? It’ll be better than what I’ve had to say about them and that’s for sure. It annoys me that we can’t go back and change things if we want to change our minds about what we have just written. There was a black bug on my lap a moment ago. He flew off. There, what if that was a lie and I regretted it? (it wasn’t though). I’m fed up.
Entry 2. I’m not fed up any more. I wonder what will happen to the world when all the Bees go brown?
…where is everyone?
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Aug 11th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Where is everyone? The leak in the toilet (if you can call it a toilet) has gotten really bad now. It keeps me from sleeping. Plip plip plip it goes all day and all night plip plip plip plip plip plip. I shouted at it really loud last night (I knew it wouldn’t make any difference though and it didn’t) but I hurt my throat again. It’s about three inches deep in there now and smells very awful. I wonder where frogs and toads go to do their business? Probably in a pond or somewhere. Fucking cunts. I’m bored. I’m as bored as hell. I keep on thinking of ringing up someone to see what they think about anything but we are forbidden. I want to phone some one but I don’t know who do I. It’s not fair. It’s late though and they will be in bed probably having a restful snooze.
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Aug 12th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. The phone doesn’t work anymore.
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Aug 13th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I don’t think this diary thing is a good idea at all.
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I’m back here now. Don’t know why. The phone has been smashed to bits and there is no food again. It’s a lucky thing I stopped the others from throwing away the parcel that Mary sent me. I found some chewing gum in there. She’s the only one who seems to like me. I used to have a group and play as many snazzy chords as I liked and sing and we all lived in a house together. They were the good days. Now it’s all stopped and I do this instead, not much of a trade off I reckon. Whenever Tim gives me a hard time, which is usually, I say to myself “Not much of a trade off I reckon” to make myself feel better. It’s good because he doesn’t know what I’m on about, but to be fair it doesn’t make me feel any better.
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Aug 16th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I don’t believe what I just saw! I’d just finished scrubbing under the filthy area and came back indoors to wipe myself clean and I saw Jim sitting on his bass. I don’t think he was even aware that it was there, or he was just too lazy to move it out of the way. The neck will be all bent now. A telegram came today for Tim from ‘them’. When he came back in after reading it his eyes were all red and his face was all wet.
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Hello. Today is the 28th anniversary of the death of our lord Elvis. I was gonna play something into my little recording device, just sort of made up with some singing, but honeyblast, the cunt, she really fucking blasted me today. Fucking soaked by the end of it, soaked. So, I know it lame by the standards of the swine, but, I not doing any more. Gonna put Genesis on and die.
love Babba x x
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Aug 18th 2005
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Everything I say to Kavus just get me a shitty look and he holds up his finger at me. I said ‘can you help me with dis’? and he said ‘help me with DIS’ and stuck up his middle finger. I don’t get it but I bet it’s rude. It really get on my wick now. He do it all de time. I got really drunk de other night for Elvis’ anniversary. I think I wrote something in this but I don’t remember. Tim made Jim clean up my sick.
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Aug 19th 2005
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Hello. Woke today to the soft tones of sleigh bells an a layer of mist over my bedbox.
As I attempted to spring to life, leaving the hay I bolted forward but before I make the waterhole, an old lady stopped me in my tracks.”but I am naked” I thought and picked up some cloth to cover a bit or two. She tells me, “I think I have found the cure for Titinuss”. AAhh, I thinks. Roll me over Beethoven.
She says, “I know it’s been hard saying bye bye to Englebert Humper,” leans forward and kiss me hard.
Food. Now.
Love Baba xx
Entry 2. There’s no one here… Me here all alone so mischief will occur.
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Aug 20th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. What the fuck has been going on $$ here? I can’t fucking believe it! I really $can not fucking believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Bloody hell. Thing$$s have finally calmed down a bit now, Babba has pppainted everything red with $$$gloss ppppaint and it stinks in here. Even this computer lap sized $thing is pppainted red now and still sticky. I’m surppprised it’s still working at all! I’ve got ppaint all over my nice $$trousers. I thought Tim was going to kill Babba again but then I’m always thinking $that. Bloody hell. Even Tim’s ‘bed’ is red now.
Entry 2. While Tim was $stamppping around shrieking and screaming I sat quietly and thought, and I’ve figured it out! He went round ppainting everything red what actually rhymed with $ "red"! Then got fed up with it obviously! He pppainted Tim’s BED, Jim’s BOILED EGG what he was saving for weeks and his BELOVED. (I’m not at liberty to say what Jim’s beloved is but I’ll bet he’s gone off it now). The last lumpp$$$$$ of BREAD and Mr. Corbin’s bumming SHED, his own HEAD and this compputer lap sized thing because he calls it FRED! (I’ve heard him!) Then when he got fed upp he just spplattered it everywhere. There will be Hell to pppppppay. We are rehearsing tonight. It will $be difficult.
Entry 3. It’s been discovered, Babba’s shameful mischief has! We are all in trouble now and it’s not our fault. We might not be allowed to t our this October now. Tim said we’ll $ have to wait and see.
Jim Smith
Entry 1. Red is danger. Red is anger. Robert needs our helpp. Surly someone will come to his aid. Are his mind cells clogged by a fever not so quickly soothed by silence? $
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Aug 21st 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I’m upp bright and early and I am wearing my exppppensive guitar all ready to rock.
Entry 2. I am fucking f urious! Tim brought in that band $$$$ The Trudy to do some recording! I thought we were rehearsing! It’s not right! He didn’t tell anyone! $Just for that I’m not telling him that my boys Johnny 4 are in from tomorrow.
That’ll show him!
Entry 3. Everything is tacky with this fucking red pppaint everywhere! $
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Aug 22nd 2005
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Had terrible dreams. Got upp. Head all pppainty and stuck. Tim and Kav rolling about shouting fighting and biting and ppulling hair. Got a bad bad headache.
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. It’s a beautiful day! Mixing $Jonny four all week. MENTAL! I like doing them. They are swell. Did some recording with our old drummer’s band ‘The Trudy’ yesterday. That was fun, well, it would have been if it weren’t for Kavus spppoiling the atmos as pper. Kept walking into the control room wearing his stupppid guitar, staring at me then storming out over and over again. We had words this $morning. I didn’t know Jonny Four were coming but I didn’t mind. This seemed to wind Kavus up even more that he was already if that was pppossible. His voice went all high pitched.
Entry 2. I don’t fucking $ believe it! Babba has recorded his stupppppid fucking voice all over our stuff! He’s recorded over most of the fucking drums and everything!!!! Fucking idiot! Fuck knows how he figured out how to do it cos he’s thick as shit! Cunt! I will kill him when he $ $$$ shows himself, fuck knows where he is. All he’s done is sing in a crapp ‘Elvis’ style voice going "I ppainted the town red and then I ppppainted Fred" over and over and over again! We are really in the shit now! I give upppppp. This fucking compputer thing is fucked as well.
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Aug 25th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Mixes going well with my boys "The 4". I was embarrassed yesterday though when Tim discipplined Babba in front of everyone. This wasn’t right because they are strangers to Babba. God knows where Babba had been pppast few days, he looked bloody awful and didn’t have a shirt on under his jacket and he was all mucky.
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Aug 26th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Hey, what a weird mood I’m in. Me and Tim were allowed to go to a gig yesterday on account of Stuffy who drummed with Cardiacs on last year’s Wildhearts tour was ppplaying in both of the bands.
His band Stuffy and The Fuses were supporting Charlotte Hatherly who he drums for as well, in Bristol at The Fleece and Firkin, where Cardiacs have played a few times.
Once we got out of the house and got to the station we were very excited and Tim did a funny walk to make me laugh, the journey was beautiful and we even took a taxi from the station to the gig…and it was just round the corner! We got to the venue and were let in free because they liked Cardiacs.
Stuffy and the fuses were ace, as was Charlotte Hatherly, who was fucking skill. The soundman kept buying us beers because he likes Cardiacs and I became drunk. In the backstage area I rubbed Stuffy’s foot foot which was broken and smashed upp because he was showing off to Tim because he wishes he was in Cardiacs again.
I talked To Charlotte Hatherly about my old band The Monsoon Bassoon and Tim sulked off because he was jealous and she said she liked my badge. We were supposed to get a lift home with Stuffy and the Fuses and Tim was in the van flicking my neck while I made a noise that went "auauauauauauaua". All of a sudden, after like less that 2 minutes we got a big bollocking off of the keyboard player who said he would throw us out.
The rest of the journey was rotten. Tim whispered to me "Is this what other bands are like?" I thought, you can bloody talk. I was so drunk and giddy that my head spinned up a stormgallop and I really needed a piss but was too scared to ask. After ages they dropped us miles from ‘home’ and Tim said, "It’ll cost us 200 pounds to get home now". It didn’t, but in the taxi on the was back he pinched me really hard on the arm so that a bruise came up and I gave him a chinese burn. He’s such a wanker sometimes, but he’s doing quite a good job of mixing the Johnny 4 stuff so I’ll let him off, even though there’s a huge bruise there now.
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I wish we hadn’t treated ourselves last night because we treated ourselves last night.
Me and Kavus went out to see a concert by Charlotte Hatherly cos our friend Stuffy drums in them and his group ‘The Fuses’ were supporting as well. It was nice meeting Charlotte, she was charming and kind. Kavus made a fool of himself though because he got drunk and kept on asking her if she liked his badge over and over again and demanding an answer every time. It turned bad on the way home though because we misbehaved in stuffy and the Fuses van who’d promised us a lift back. I stroked Kavus’ neck and that always makes a strange noise come out. The fuses keyboards player said he’d throw us out the van because of it and it was our only way of getting home (if you can call it a home) and stuffy was really nice and helpful even though he’d broken his foot foot as were the other fuses who hadn’t broken their foot foots but this fellow was a prick. I’d like to say he was an asshole but that’s too snazzy a word for a prick.
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Aug 29th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Still mixing Jonny Four but I’ve got an uneasy feeling inside. I’ve felt this before only too often and I think I know what it might be. Bollox!
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. When I was a kid I used to call lemonade Lemonsmaid.
Lemonsmaid.
Lemonsmaid.
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Aug 30th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I knew it! I knew something was up! We are not allowed to do the tour in October playing all the old tunes. ‘They’ have found out about Babba’s "episode" and not only that but they found out that we went out the other night and misbehaved! So that’s it then, all that rehearsing for fucking nothing! 32 fucking tunes and they ain’t fucking easy to play neither. Bollox! Fuck Babba and fuck the ‘Fuses’ fucking keyboards player! I reckon he must have dobbed us in!
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Aint no bugger talking to me. Dunno wot I done this time an I don’t care. They only talk bollocks at me all the time anyhow. I tell all this to fred.
I like fred now,.,, didn’t like it at first,,my fred. My red fred.