Feb 3rd 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1.Babba has been helping me with writing words to the new songs again. He forces my mind to go to stupid places all the time. His words are a worry to me. They make me worry. I wish he’d buy his own pencil sometimes. After our compulsory Alphabet rest time I broke my own pencil into two pencils and from the kindness of my heart gave half to Babba and he lost it almost immediately out in the outside area.
Bob Leith
Entry 1. I was allowed to drum on my drum drums till the early hours last night. I didn’t get a bed until about 5am. I got up at 7am and had EXTRA big breakfast lumps. Tim in a rotten mood about a pencil. Like I gived a fuck. Fucking idiot. I don’t care if he read this and a I know he knows I don’t either. We suppose be recording some more drums today cos he said I played them like ‘a miniature idiot’ last time. I play them as badly as I can today. Let him put that in is pipe an smoke it!
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Feb 5th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I am really tired today, we were up very late recording the drums and Babba was magnificent! He sweated far too much for someone his size and the room smelled foul. I was so pleased with him that I personally wrung out his wet shirts. I did this outside because it would be far too unhygienic to do this indoors. Another problem happened with the equipment again so we’ve got to do it all over again later on. Babba has disappeared though. I’m waiting for him now. He has been gone a long time. Kavus is sitting on the other side of the room watching everything I do. I’m not speaking to him today. We’re going to play a tour in October I’ve just found out. We will play all the tunes we used to play when we were all very young, like we did a while back in London at the Garage. We want to play in all very small places. I think this will be a good thing to do. Kavus keeps on watching me. I’m choosing to ignore this as I chose to ignore an invitation to William D Drakes birthday occasion tomorrow.
Jim Smith
Entry 1. Selfishness is the enclave of the needy.
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Feb 11th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Something has upset Jim today. But REALLY upset him.
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Hey, I didn’t get out of bed until 8 O CLOCK! But I did because I was very hungry. When I did arise I refused any lumps of food on principle. I can’t think of much to write at the moment. Nothing has really happened. It’s just that the only people contributing to this diary seem to be me and Tim. I don’t think I’ve seen Jim or Babba write anything. None of us can see what’s been written by each other until it goes ‘on view’ to our loyal fans. I hope they’re not mucking about too much. I think this is serious and I will be gutted if they abuse this opportunity. I haven’t played anything on these new recordings yet. Tim keeps saying that my turn will come and I must beware. He always gives me all the tricky bits to play. This is why I bought an expensive guitar. I just wish he’d understand that. He gave me a filthy look yesterday.
Feb 13th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Jim is being very strange. Something has rattled his cage. His thumbs are so small! I did see him smiling at the ground earlier though but this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Tim just saw me writing in this diary and seemed to get quite annoyed. It’s not as if I am needed at the moment either! I’d better get off now because he is hovering over me. I think he wants to write something.
Entry 2. …Hi, it’s Kavus again. (later this day) He didn’t write anything! He just seems to want to stop me from doing anything! I watched him and he didn’t write anything! He just pretended! He’s suppose to be working and he just pretended to write something! Babba was waiting for him for ages! I am keeping my eye on Tim. He doesn’t know it but I am. I watched him through the crack in the door. Jim seems to have perked up a bit. He said something in one of his funny voices. What he said wasn’t very funny, not funny at all, but it was one of his funny voices. No one laughed. I don’t think he expected anyone to laugh. He needs to shave his head again I noticed. Apparently its something that Tim used to insist on doing but he stopped when it dawned on him that a living brain was beneath the flesh. Had to do an interview for a magazine in Barcelona today. Did it with Tim, oh and we were on the radio as well playing some songs we recorded live for a session in Sheffield while we were on tour with our friends The Wildhearts. During the session Jim said something in one of his funny voices and it went out on air! No one laughed. I could see that Tim was furious. He took Jim to the outside area. Me and Babba posted the radio back to the Alphabet Business Concern and now it’s time for bed…zzz
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Feb 15th 2005
Jim Smith
Entry 1. The selfless walk a scented path.
The selfish trudge behind, plagued by ill weather and foul beasts.
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Feb 18th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I think everyone has given up with this diary. I haven’t seen anyone write a thing for ages and I am watching them closely. Tim recorded some guitars today. I noticed that he kept giving up because he couldn’t play the parts properly. So that’s where I come in is it? Babba told me to cut my hair. He said he’d do it. No way! Not him! Even if he does have his own scissors. I hate him today. He only wants to cut my hair because he is bald. Everyone is bald. Except Tim but he is Grey. Fat and Grey. Tim used to publicly abuse Jim because of his fatness but now he is fat too! How about that then! Fat and Grey! AND can’t play the tricky parts on his CHEAP guitars!
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Feb 24th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I have REFUSED to write anything in this diary until that band go home! That bloody Pinhead Nation have been in again for about a week! Honestly, it’s like I’m invisible! They leave all their oily plastic bags all over and never ask if it’s ok to use the rattling pan! Babba has gone AWOL again and Tim doesn’t even care. I tried to get Babba to write something before he disappeared but he just looked at me for what seemed like ages.
Entry 2. The Pinheads have gone home without saying goodbye. It turns out that Babba has left the country playing his drums with a group called ‘Blurt’. He keeps on doing this. Tim has got one ‘sort of’ expensive guitar but that’s only because it was given to him by Ginger out of The Wildhearts because Tim was stupid enough to have his stolen in Germany a few years ago. I wasn’t actually in the band then, I was their ‘guitar tech’. He tells everybody it was my fault it was stolen because I was supposed to be looking after it at the time.
Feb 25th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Why am I here at all? The only thing I have got to do is write in this fucking diary and only when I’m not being watched! No one is contributing! No one! I can’t even bring the subject up. Jim doesn’t know what I’m talking about and Babba is just being cruel. Every word I write is interspersed with me looking around to make sure I am not being watched so forgive my short entries please. Tim thought it would be a ‘great’ idea earlier to set up our gear in the outside area and run through what ‘we’ are suppose to be recording tomorrow. It took hours to bring all the equipment out from the studio into the outside area and then they wanted to go to the pub! Why? We weren’t allowed in as usual and the whole day was a waste of time.