Jan 6th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Hello. This is a strange thing to do. A diary. I don’t see the point myself but we have been told to do it so do it we will and best we can. I’ve got nothing to say now though so I wont go on and on. Maybe later I’ll add something if anything crosses my mind because nothing is crossing my mind right now at this time.
Entry 2. something just crossed my mind. You know how annoying it is when somebody wont ever be quiet? That’s happening right now! We are all at Apollo 8 recording some new tunes and all Babba has done is sharpen a penknife on a sharpening stone really loudly. For some reason no one is speaking today but Babba wont shut up with his penknife and sharpening stone. He says he needs it sharp to help set up his drumset but I know this is rubbish!
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Hey diary! I like this idea of a diary for our loyal fans to spy on. We can all have our say at last. We have been told not to write too much, just some informative snippets. I wonder what the others will say about me? Tim got really annoyed with Babba a little while ago, I thought he was going to kill him. This will be my first recording with Cardiacs and I’m hell of an excited. I feel so lucky, Cardiacs is my FAVE group. Babba is refusing to add to this diary at the moment. He’s busy with his knife and sharpening stone but I think he’s in a funny mood as well. I’m not sure if anyone has told Jim about this diary, they never seem to tell him anything, which I don’t think is fair. I’d tell him myself but I don’t want to get involved in that side of things.
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Jan 7th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Woke up again but didn’t think I was awake until a bird made some noise and it really put me in a bad mood. I don’t like to shout but I shouted, not at the bird but at the floor. It made my neck hurt which put me in a mood that was much fouler I think. Then something cheered me up and the day went quite well after that until 4-o clock when I spitted out a pip from a lemon I was eating through some cloth. The pip went on the floor. That was it. Back to bed for me. If you can call it a bed.
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Jan 9th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I hate today. I hated yesterday as well. I did like the day before though but I can’t remember why. Oh yes I can, it was a good day because all of the sand that was beginning to heap up got moved a bit by the spade that was left in Mr. Corbin’s bumming shed.
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Jan 10th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Its funny writing diary notes for other people to read. I think it’s rude and intrusive to read this and you’re probably thinking ‘why write this then?’
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Jan 11th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Everything is so beautiful now as it always has been for all time ever in the world ever. There is no point in ever asking what it is that makes dirt not so filth slipped and pipped and I am sure that when a song wot we like gets played on someone’s radio set like that song who whatshisname did, I cant remember who, but out it came of the radio set and someone shouted ‘turn that thing down I cant hear myself even think!’ and we all laughed because it wasn’t loud, just very very shrill and my head ached so much from it that I stopped laughing and went away.
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Had another telegram from The ‘you know who’ concern. It wasn’t even delivered to the door like it was suppose to have been. It was left at the bottom of the descent. I don’t think they want me to play in Cardiacs any more. I don’t think they wanted me to play in Cardiacs in the first place. If Cardiacs had a say in this I think they would rather I didn’t play music with them either. I love my expensive guitar. So white. No one else takes any notice of it. Sometimes I put it on a chair, like it was a person and when anyone comes into the room I say something like “Hey check out my new axe, it’s a fucking gem”. Tim always uses cheap copy guitars anyway and I don’t think he knows what an expensive guitar is. Jim deliberately smashed a plate on the ground this morning. All the pieces are still there.
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Jan 12th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. We had a band practice today. I used my expensive guitar. I think we practice far too loud sometimes but Tim says we have to otherwise we can hear what we are playing. I liked Tim yesterday but I don’t like him as much today. I don’t care if he reads this either because he always says bad things about me AND to my face. Babba turned into ‘uvver-babba’ as well which I am not keen on (‘uvver-babba’ is what Babba becomes in an instant for no real reason that I can see, sometimes it happens if he has an alcoholic drink…OR TWO!) anyway ‘uvver-babba’ went all strange and upset everyone’s applecart. Everyone wanted to go to the pub after playing only one song. I wanted to play my expensive guitar. They only get thrown out of the pub anyway even before they have had even one drink. It’s always a wasted journey. It’s pathetic. Anyway that’s when Babba ‘turned’ and upset the taxi driver as well. He pretended to be an abomination in the eyes of God and called the moon a Gollywog and started singing ‘I Know What I Like in your wardrobe’ by the group Genesis while he slapped his own legs spitefully. Everyone else was just quiet. I caught the driver’s face in the mirror and his glance suggested that this was all my doing as much as Babba’s, which I think was really unfair, I made a real effort to talk to him but his grunts confirmed the damage had been done. I don’t even really like Genesis…. Not as much as Babba anyway. I went to bed when we got back to Apollo 8.. (if you can call it a bed).
Jim Smith
Entry 1. The heart is a fortress. Who knows what secrets she keeps? The pulse in her battlements, the relentless pounding beat in her turrets. Hostility is met with arrows of distrust, but with pure motives and clear intentions the drawbridge can be lowered.
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Jan 14th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Tim says he thinks the new tunes we are playing remind him of muck. I think it’s his way of saying that he doesn’t like them anymore. He’ll change his mind tomorrow. He always does.
Bob Leith
Entry 1.. Heyyy it’s Babba. Tappa-tastic fuck a balls etc etc. Fucking stupid diary..,’//
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I think there are worms at the core eating away at everything that ever gets done by anyone. Jim upset me today. He didn’t actually do anything but By Christ he upset me big. I used restraint as he is very very strong. I kept on wishing out loud that the bloody sun would stop shining in my eyes and Kavus ‘clever cloggs’ Torabi ‘suggested’ that I close the curtains! Well what do you do about that kind of behavior? Do as he asks? I think not! Because this diary is purely for our loyal fans to be interested in let me put this image into your minds…the next time you see him playing his expensive guitar on stage with Cardiacs just imagine his expression when he mentioned the curtains, all full of himself and pleased with himself. So much so that he had to leave the room and go and ‘relieve’ himself in the bathroom, if you can call it a bathroom.
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Jan 15th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. If Jon Daniel ever rests his ‘packet’ on my knee while he’s talking to me again I will be very very angry. (for our loyal fans who don’t know who Jon Daniel is…Jon Daniel is our tour manager, our ‘dad’… he’s not actually our dad as in ‘father’ but he is our dad). He always rests his penis and testicles on your knee while he speaks to you. Not naked of course, but you can feel it through the shorts that he always wears. None of us are keen on this habit. If you point it out to him he just says ‘it’s nice’.
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Jon Daniel was around today, he’s really nice. He came in all close to me and we talked about when we were at school. He is the sort of man who made my school days unpleasant but when he sits so close it’s like getting an apology. I wish he’d come around more often as, to my mind, it lightens the atmos, he wears shorts and plimsolls and has a big squashy face that I want to pet when it smiles. Ah, Big Jon Daniel. When he writes his name he puts a diagonal line through the O of Jon. He says it is because he is a punk rocker, but he doesn’t look like one to me. He was here because Tim and I had to do an interview for some Spanish magazine. We had to be on our best behavior. We always have to be on our best behavior when we do an interview. Alberto the interviewer was nice though but Tim made me sick.
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Jan 16th 2005
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. I saw my brother with no clothes on today. I never ever want to see that again. I don’t know what he was thinking. I am only telling you this so as to hurt him. And it’s Sunday! Did some more work on ‘newy’ (working title) today. Had to overdub some more drums because Babba only had one stick when we recorded them last time. He thought it wasn’t fast enough. I told him it’s as fast as nature intended. That shut him up. Anyway it went quite good. He behaved himself throughout and even did a little spit on the floor at the end. He got a respectful round of applause from the others (not me) and this made ‘uvver-babba’ appear. (briefly). I keep on going from thinking the new tunes are muck to thinking the new tunes are spangles. Then we went to the pub but they wouldn’t let us in.
Bob Leith
Entry 1. Surely can me love to it good have stiffy…I tie crayon to it and elbow and be gone x
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Babba was recording some drums today and when Tim tried to tell him to hit them harder the walkie-talkie was too loud and Babba couldn’t hear him. When I listened back to the recording there was a howling walkie-talkie feeding back all over the drum parts. I gave Tim a look that conveyed “That’s not how you record drums, that screeching racket ruins what might have been a good song”. Tim just gave me a look back that said “It’s meant to go like that and what the fuck would you know anyway cunt”.
He’s never called me names to my face but I think he’s biding his time.
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Jan 21st 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. Tim has really annoyed me again. He is so selfish. He is working with another band mixing their songs in the studio with Christian Hayes who is suppose to be ‘producing’ it. The band are called ‘Pinhead Nation’ or something. It’s really getting on my nerves.
Christian used to play the guitar in Cardiacs before me and before Jon Poole. I’m wondering if this is why he won’t look me in the eye.
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Jan 23rd 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. This is ridiculous! How am I ever suppose to sleep or do ANYTHING with all the noise coming from the studio! All they seem to be doing is shouting at each other about I don’t know what! Pinhead Nation sound like rockabilly all wrong and all gone to the dogs!
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Jan 25th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. They are still here.
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Jan 27th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. They are still here…I can’t stand it! If I was allowed I’d get out of here and let them get on with it. But who says I’m not allowed?? NO-ONE! But I feel I’d better stay. Yesterday was a bad day but I won’t go into that.
Entry 2. THEY HAVE ALL GONE HOME! Maybe now some people might pay some attention to ME!
Timmy Smith
Entry 1. Been mixing Pinhead Nation with Christian Hayes who produced it. They started it 10 years ago and thought they might as well finish it for some reason. It’s great. Coming out on super CDs soon. A great big old angry black man came in and added some trombone earlier. I’ll play it to Kavus later. When he gets sleepy. See what he thinks. The others won’t be interested. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else apart from me put anything in this diary yet.
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Jan 29th 2005
Kavus Torabi
Entry 1. I’m off singing tonight with the North Sea Radio Orchestra. I sing like an angel in the choir. We are playing a concert in Oxford. In case some of our loyal fans don’t know what that is I’ll explain…hold on…/;.
Entry 2. …something very ugly just happened but I won’t go into it. The North Sea Radio Orchestra is an orchestra. It’s got Sharron (who sings with Cardiacs sometimes) and James and Richard Larcombe from ‘Stars in Battledress’ and William D Drake who was in Cardiacs, and Mel from Sidi Bou Said who sings with Cardiacs sometimes and it’s all kept in line and written by Craig who was in The Shrubbies with Sarah Smith and Dominic Luckman who used to be in Cardiacs and they got loads of violins and cellos and percussions things and it’s all fucking far out and wh.;,’; …hold on…
Entry 3. this is ridiculous.
Tim Smith
Entry 1. Well hello diary! No one has done anything today, there is a heavy atmosphere.
Entry 2. So! I’ve finally seen someone else adding to this diary. I didn’t like seeing that at first. I felt betrayed. But I suppose it has to be this way. It was Kavus though. I wouldn’t leave him alone. I feel sorry now. He’s all full of himself today because he’s off singing in his posh orchestra. If we don’t start doing some recording soon we’ll be in trouble again.