http://www.cardiacs.com News about Cardiacs Thu, 01 Nov 2007 13:23:59 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en  There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN In order to keep YOUR FAVOURITE GROUP alert, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wish to announce that, by way of punishment, CARDIACS do not have the faintest idea exactly which songs they will be performing from night to night on the approaching 2007 TOUR. Read on, and in doing so ‘get wise’ to an opportunity for YOU to view recently filmed activity of CARDIACS hard at work.     The Seasons are changing and after an IMPOVERISHED EXCUSE for a summer, winter once again draws in.The everyday feeble-minds trudge gloomily on, cursing THE EARTH’s inevitable ‘rotation-cycle’, finding sorrow in every turn, misery in every opportunity.DANK DISPLEASURE IN EVERY WELL-MEANING GLANCE.  Not YOU. YOU carry a kernel of hope in YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART.YOU light the way for those stricken by THE BLEAK HOURS.YOU hold forth, gushing the florid syllables of the condemned man ‘let-off’ at the eleventh hour.YOU bring cheer."COLD HANDS - WARM HEART".YOU bring love.So, then, as the forthcoming CARDIACS tour draws ever closer, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has deemed it both appropriate and urgent that the following matters be absorbed for the best part of a day for the benefit of YOUR wellbeing.What is ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2007/10/30/179/ THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN  In the interest of keeping ‘idle talk’ to a minimum THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feels the time is RIGHT to officially announce the support acts for Cardiacs forthcoming tour.  THE GOD DAMN WHORES will be opening proceedings.   Anyone who witnessed the CRUSHING ASSAULT and frequent use of ‘blue language’ that ex-Cardiac Jon Poole’s ‘team’ trumped up at last year’s London Astoria concert will testify that this group (fronted by redoubtable colleague of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, Jon Poole) must not and WILL NOT be missed.   The God Damn Whores album, ‘We Are The Lucky Thirteen’ is widely available on Round Records and suggested listening. The God Damn Whores feature…Jon Poole (ex- Cardiacs/The Wildhearts)Chris Catalyst (Sisters of Mercy/The Scaramanga Six/Antiproduct)Jase Edwards (Ginger and the Sonic Circus/ ex-Wolfsbane)Denzil (Ginger)  Following The God Damn Whores, yet INVISIBLE to the HUMAN EYE is THE GASMAN.  The Gasman invents and performs beautiful music to help YOU ‘fast-track’ the lonely time between ‘The Whores’ and your beloved Cardiacs. His ‘Sonic Auto Slumber’ will set off a time bomb in your soul that only the most mean-spirited would refuse to detonate.   Will YOU accept the detonation? ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2007/10/10/november-tour-2007/ THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN Matlock, Derbyshire houses Richard Arkwright’s first mill. Many would have you believe that Arkwright, the inventor of the ‘Spinning Frame’ (allegedly re-named ‘the water frame’) was the catalyst of the so-called industrial revolution. Look right out of YOUR window. Can you see the sorry mess that has been left in its wake? Look again. That selfsame mill is now a shopping centre. This is called CAUSE AND EFFECT. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows that YOU care very little for history, acknowledges that with YOUR generation it’s all "I’ll watch the re-run", that if YOU and YOUR untidy peer group cannot have IMMEDIATE results then to Hell with this ‘Ditzy Scene’ and all who associate with she. Why don’t YOU try sending the following construct to HELL and see where it gets you. CAUSE:In a recent communiqué THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN warned, "Follow THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s suggestion and these shows are just the beginning. Interfere, and YOU will be punished in ways YOU can not imagine”. YOUR behavior changed, CARDIACS were allowed to pursue their ‘activities’ and THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can announce a happy effect. EFFECT:Cardiacs new single ‘Ditzy Scene’Released on Org Records Nov 5th ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2007/10/05/new-single/   The loyal… the faithful… the trustful. YOU are all of these things.Once was a time when THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN was A FIRM HAND, A GUIDE, A FRIEND if you will.THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feel it’s flock has grown into responsible pillars, and is proud of its hard work. And YOURS.What of the so-called newcomers, the be-daubed and be-knackered pillars?The pillars that need attention.Let us leave a FIRM HAND aside, and consider a STERN WARNING instead.DO NOT clothe yourselves in the tawdry fashions of the BACKSEAT DRIVER.MAKE NOT suggestions into the workings of Cardiacs cogs.STEER NOT the ship. No, YOU were NOT invited aboard, yet were made welcome anyway.In return for YOUR kindness YOU will be given the rewards YOU so desperately crave.As a generous token of our newfound ‘agreement’, how does this ‘grab’ YOU? CARDIACS ON TOUR NOVEMBER 2007 MON 12 BRIGHTON THE OLD MARKET 01273 73622211a Upper Market Street, Hove BN3 1AS TUE 13 OXFORD ZODIAC 0870 771 2000190 Cowley Road, Oxford, OX4 4AD WED 14 BRISTOL THEKLA SOCIAL 0871 310 0000East Mud Dock, the Grove, Bristol BS1 4RB THU 15 NOTTINGHAM RESCUE ROOMS 0871 3100 000Masonic Place, Goldsmith Street, Nottingham, NG1 5GG FRI 16 LONDON ASTORIA 0870 060 3777157 Charing Cross Rd, London ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2007/07/30/cardiacs-on-tour-nov-2007/ There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN A guarantee is a binding agreement, a warrant that something WILL happen. How, then, to guarantee one’s safety, one’s future, one’s EYES?THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows YOU expect too much.Have YOU ever wondered why it is Cardiacs withhold their blazing joys? Stow tight their luminescent hue?It is YOUR fault.ALL your faults.Like a single insistent child, hewn into many. Amassed, "I want, I want". THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has heard you many times. In the interests of fair-play THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN maintains that with all ‘dressing downs’ comes THE SWEETENER. THE SWEETENER will be on offer to the Faithful and the Unfaithful. The Loyal and the Disloyal. It will be received, gratefully, on June 28th 2007. Details on THE SWEETENER; Cardiacs will play the songs YOU love live in session onMARC RILEY’S ROCKET SCIENCE RADIO SHOW on BBC 6 MUSIC from 7pm.Thursday 28th June 2007. YOU will stand by YOUR radio.YOU will press up YOUR vile ear to the tinny-sounding speaker.YOUR heart will erupt and YOUR guts will swirl.Like the angry sea, like all biblical storm.YOUR big eyes might POP OUT OF YOUR HEAD. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN guarantees this. With respectTHE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN. http://www.cardiacs.com/2007/06/06/live-radio-session/ THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN. Cardiacs London Astoria Theatre 10 November 2006. The shows will start early.   There are few among us who have not endured the cleansing rigours of a harsh education, few who do not still consult the Slide Rule, feel the birch, or apply The Left-Hand Screw Principle to the hum-drum tasks that this ‘Life-challenge’ hurls at us.  Lucky are we, safe in the comforts of OUR learnings, yet there are those in stranger echelons who see fit to conduct their business selfishly, for whom personal gain is a Guiding Principle.   Through their deviant proclivities, certain “parties” have been eager to prove “Two into One WILL Go”. Certain “organisations” seem a little too happy to Have Their Cake and Eat It.  THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN customarily avoids such Greedy-mouths all covered in sickly crumbs and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern seeks only to trade with those parties that we have deemed to be most beneficial to YOU.  It has come to our attention, sadly, that a certain organisation, which is soon to be smashed-up, destroyed and reduced to ash, has enforced its self-seeking procedure upon OUR annual celebration.  ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2006/11/08/show-times/ Winter draws in, both for the loyal and the heretic, yet there are those among us, the naysayers, the gullible, the downright suggestible that would have us believe we are currently undergoing an atmospheric shift. We must, they claim, be wary of leaving running taps and disposing of refuse in whatever way we see fit, lest we find all our seasons smashed into one blazing “un-season”, lest our greens are scorched into ochre’s and our chilblains are consigned to the same foggy hold that houses both Bakelite and dodo. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN refutes this idle tommyrot and insists that by November only a fool would parade the outside still clad in his summer garment. So, the frigid gloom descends once more and with it the sense of another year drawing to its fruitless close. Yet there are those among the loyal for whom this maudlin ghost wraps not his icy fingers about their throats with its deathgrip too tight. Their secret? They have wisely purchased their entry tickets to see CARDIACS at the Astoria Theatre on November the 10th in advance. Disappointment looms only too heavily for our less prudent brood, foolhardily expecting their passage from the cold streets of Charing Cross ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2006/10/25/last-call-for-the-loyal/ There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN CARDIACS PLAY LONDON ASTORIA FRIDAY NOVEMBER 10TH 2006 WITH EXTRA EXTRA SPECIAL SUPPORT GUESTS!!! Recently THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN asked YOU for your opinions regarding your favourite group’s decision to forgo all live performances until new recordings are completed. Despite the recording commitments that have been imposed upon them, Cardiacs were so overwhelmed by your response to their pathetic conundrum that they begged to change the course of fate.Never wanting to bite the hand that feeds, and in showing respect and loyalty to YOU, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN have deemed it appropriate at this time to announce the unflinching truth that Cardiacs WILL play in London in November.Your letters have proved just the tonic the band needed after the recent spate of Biblical Woe rained upon them, courtesy of The Vengeful Concern. No one likes a show off, but “someone” or perhaps “someones” have been getting rather big for their boots. The matter has been looked into and corrected. The concert will NOT impede Cardiacs recording obligations. A tally has been made of the songs YOU would like Cardiacs to perform. In the spirit of fair play, and in what THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN see ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2006/08/01/cardiacs-concert-alert/ There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN. In the interest of putting a public face on more covert, esoteric "backdoor" activities, it has been decided that TIM SMITH, member of Cardiacs and loyal representative of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, is to tour with Ginger from The Wildhearts new band GINGER AND THE SONIC CIRCUS. Tim Smith will be the opening act of what we believe to be a "Rock Extravaganza". He will be joined onstage by two members from the main act, Ginger himself and Jon Poole* (also from The Wildhearts and formerly Cardiacs). Tim Smith will be performing "acoustic" versions of your favourite Cardiacs tunes with nothing to keep himself or companions in time but a Big Bass Drum** Tim Smith’s solo-with-friends "skit" will be followed by freaks hurting themselves with nails and pins. The main act, GINGER AND THE SONIC CIRCUS, will follow these abominations.  *Because Jon Poole believes he is no longer under the jurisdiction of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN his deportment and attire cannot be vouched for in advance. ** In keeping with our enviable reputation as The Scientific Concern a disclaimer must be added as thus: The size of the bass drum is relative. FOR FULL VENUE DETAILS AND HOW ... http://www.cardiacs.com/2006/03/15/tim-smith-on-tour/ THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN. NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS  With respect THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN. http://www.cardiacs.com/2006/02/25/news/