The Seasons are changing and after an IMPOVERISHED EXCUSE for a summer, winter once again draws in.
The everyday feeble-minds trudge gloomily on, cursing THE EARTH’s inevitable ‘rotation-cycle’, finding sorrow in every turn, misery in every opportunity.
DANK DISPLEASURE IN EVERY WELL-MEANING GLANCE.
YOU carry a kernel of hope in YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART.
YOU light the way for those stricken by THE BLEAK HOURS.
YOU hold forth, gushing the florid syllables of the condemned man ‘let-off’ at the eleventh hour.
YOU bring cheer.
"COLD HANDS - WARM HEART".
YOU bring love.
So, then, as the forthcoming CARDIACS tour draws ever closer, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has deemed it both appropriate and urgent that the following matters be absorbed for the best part of a day for the benefit of YOUR wellbeing.
What is this so called phenomenon ‘they’ refer to as DEATH?
What if the particular death YOU die is not even DEATH?
Is death not merely an idea, albeit a fairly interesting one? An overrated construct at best, yet the rantings of those struck by religion, those devoid of it and the generally unhinged.
Is it that YOU are RISEN APES, looking forward to a gloomy eternity in the soil, YOUR atoms dispersed and YOUR miserable thoughts eaten up by tree-roots and tendrils?
Perhaps YOU feel that you are FALLEN ANGELS and can expect to fly THE CHRIST back up ‘there’ once you have lived out YOUR pathetic drudge through this vale of tears.
There are those out there, dwellers of stranger echelons than these, that perceive this whole existence as merely an hallucination. A shoddy scenario made all up
in the brain of a sorry underachiever, bereft of any real imagination.
Where then does that leave CARDIACS?
Are Cardiacs really the best that this failure of a deity can invent out of HIS CELESTIAL MIND-BANK?
Are you sure that it is not YOU who are this failure of a deity?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN are aware that these thoughts will lead to the quickening of the heart rate, the sweating of the palms.
Take comfort, then, that THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has generously taken matters in hand.
The first rule of any wisdom, it would seem, is to TURN EVENTS TO ONE’S OWN ADVANTAGE.
Recently CARDIACS have been put through their paces, owing to ‘a certain entertainment’ falling conveniently into the hands of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
The entertainment has presented itself in the form of an ‘incriminating’ film… EVIDENCE.
Using under-handed deceit and ABSOLUTE BLACKMAIL to benefit YOU, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has ‘persuaded’ CARDIACS to increase their workload.
You were previously informed that CARDIACS will not be performing exactly the same set every night on this tour.
In keeping with our reputation as The Modest Concern
, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can announce that the previous ‘teaser’ contains more body to it than YOU may have thought or, indeed, expected.
As a result of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s stern words, and of direct benefit to YOU, CARDIACS have completely ‘over-shot’, foolishly ‘learning’ far more songs than was actually required. CARDIACS, therefore, must now perform a different variety of tunes over the duration of the tour. This will be a positive boon to all those in The Loyal who WILL insist on attending repeat performances.
YOU may not experience a repeat repertoire.
What treasures may this revolting trove contain?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can reveal that material is being TACKLED from EVERY ERA OF THE GROUP’S GLORIOUS HISTORY.
CARDIACS will be performing this gargantuan task in an attempt to suppress the EVIDENCE.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, or if YOU like, The Futuristic Concern, has sourced means to make this evidence available for YOU to view, through a, shall we say, ‘very popular internet site’.
A site already replete with unauthorized ‘footage’ of YOUR favourite group.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feels the time has come to ‘blow the lid’ on CARDIACS’ WHOLE SORRY VENTURE.
The whole ‘lid-blowing’ exercise will be available for YOU to purchase before YOU are in the ground.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
CARDIACS ON TOUR NOVEMBER 2007
MON 12 BRIGHTON THE OLD MARKET 01273 736222
11a Upper Market Street, Hove BN3 1AS
TUE 13 OXFORD ZODIAC 0870 771 2000
190 Cowley Road, Oxford, OX4 4AD
WED 14 BRISTOL THEKLA SOCIAL 0871 310 0000
East Mud Dock, the Grove, Bristol BS1 4RB
THU 15 NOTTINGHAM RESCUE ROOMS 0871 3100 000
Masonic Place, Goldsmith Street, Nottingham, NG1 5GG
FRI 16 LONDON ASTORIA 0870 060 3777
157 Charing Cross Rd, London WC2H 0EN
MON 19 SHEFFIELD BOARDWALK 0871 230 1095
Snig Hill, Sheffield, S3 8NA
TUE 20 STOKE ON TRENT THE SUGARMILL 01782 206000
Brunswick Street, Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent, ST1 1DR
WED 21 MANCHESTER ACADEMY 3 0161 832 1111
MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY UNION, OXFORD ROAD,
MANCHESTER M13 9PR
THU 22 PORTSMOUTH WEDGEWOOD ROOMS 023 9286 3911
147B, Albert Road, Southsea, PO4 0JW
FRI 23 CARDIFF CLWB IFOR BACH 02920 232199
11 Womanby Street, Cardiff, CF10 1BR
Tickets will also be available in Spillers Records Cardiff - 02920 224905
Diverse Music Newport - 01633 259661
SAT NOV 24 LEEDS The Woodhouse Liberal Club
Woodhouse Street, Hyde Park, Leeds, LS6 2PY