News

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

Matlock, Derbyshire houses Richard Arkwright’s first mill.

Many would have you believe that Arkwright, the inventor of the ‘Spinning Frame’ (allegedly re-named ‘the water frame’) was the catalyst of the so-called industrial revolution. Look right out of YOUR window. Can you see the sorry mess that has been left in its wake? Look again. That selfsame mill is now a shopping centre. This is called CAUSE AND EFFECT.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows that YOU care very little for history, acknowledges that with YOUR generation it’s all "I’ll watch the re-run", that if YOU and YOUR untidy peer group cannot have IMMEDIATE results then to Hell with this ‘Ditzy Scene’ and all who associate with she.

Why don’t YOU try sending the following construct to HELL and see where it gets you.

CAUSE:
In a recent communiqué THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN warned, "Follow THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s suggestion and these shows are just the beginning. Interfere, and YOU will be punished in ways YOU can not imagine”.

YOUR behavior changed, CARDIACS were allowed to pursue their ‘activities’ and THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can announce a happy effect.

EFFECT:
Cardiacs new single ‘Ditzy Scene’
Released on Org Records Nov 5th 2007
Ordering details from www.organart.com

Order this NOW to avoid the trauma of having to buy an overpriced copy from a disreputable ‘entrepreneur’ a few months ‘down the line’.

Or would YOU rather see this opportunity in Hell?

CARDIACS.
taking a bad idea and running with it since 1977

with respect

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

A guarantee is a binding agreement, a warrant that something WILL happen. How, then, to guarantee one’s safety, one’s future, one’s EYES?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows YOU expect too much.
Have YOU ever wondered why it is Cardiacs withhold their blazing joys?
Stow tight their luminescent hue?
It is YOUR fault.
ALL your faults.
Like a single insistent child, hewn into many. Amassed, "I want, I want".

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has heard you many times.
 
In the interests of fair-play THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN maintains that with all ‘dressing downs’ comes THE SWEETENER.
 
THE SWEETENER will be on offer to the Faithful and the Unfaithful.

The Loyal and the Disloyal.

It will be received, gratefully, on June 28th 2007.

Details on THE SWEETENER;
 
Cardiacs will play the songs YOU love live in session on
MARC RILEY’S ROCKET SCIENCE RADIO SHOW on BBC 6 MUSIC from 7pm.
Thursday 28th June 2007.

YOU will stand by YOUR radio.
YOU will press up YOUR vile ear to the tinny-sounding speaker.
YOUR heart will erupt and YOUR guts will swirl.
Like the angry sea, like all biblical storm.
YOUR big eyes might POP OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN guarantees this.

With respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
Cardiacs London Astoria Theatre 10 November 2006.
 
The shows will start early.
 
There are few among us who have not endured the cleansing rigours of a harsh education, few who do not still consult the Slide Rule, feel the birch, or apply The Left-Hand Screw Principle to the hum-drum tasks that this ‘Life-challenge’ hurls at us.
 
Lucky are we, safe in the comforts of OUR learnings, yet there are those in stranger echelons who see fit to conduct their business selfishly, for whom personal gain is a Guiding Principle.
 
Through their deviant proclivities, certain “parties” have been eager to prove “Two into One WILL Go”. Certain “organisations” seem a little too happy to Have Their Cake and Eat It.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN customarily avoids such Greedy-mouths all covered in sickly crumbs and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern seeks only to trade with those parties that we have deemed to be most beneficial to YOU.
 
It has come to our attention, sadly, that a certain organisation, which is soon to be smashed-up, destroyed and reduced to ash, has enforced its self-seeking procedure upon OUR annual celebration.
 
Sheepishly, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must insist that YOU are in attendance to experience The Goddamn Whores, who will begin their performance at the “well-mannered” time of 7pm.
  
Ashen-faced, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must announce the grave news that The Astoria Theatre will open its doors at 6:45pm this Friday.
 
Short shrift for Jon Poole and company who, as a loyal representative of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN for many years, deserves better.
 
Short shrift, indeed, for YOU.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that our Loyal are made up of hardworking toilers, who must adhere to the tedious hours of “The Working Day”.
Bear in mind, then, under the draconian measures put into place by “a certain organisation” Cardiacs will be taking to the stage absolutely NO LATER than 8.20pm maybe even earlier.
 
The reward for your patience? Flunkeys from “a certain organisation” will aggressively herd you into the street upon completion of Cardiacs set, allowing some of God’s more delicate creations to hoof about to “ironic” music.
 
We, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, will try our best to get things running a little later but you have been warned.
 
With respect
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

Winter draws in, both for the loyal and the heretic, yet there are those among us, the naysayers, the gullible, the downright suggestible that would have us believe we are currently undergoing an atmospheric shift.

We must, they claim, be wary of leaving running taps and disposing of refuse in whatever way we see fit, lest we find all our seasons smashed into one blazing “un-season”, lest our greens are scorched into ochre’s and our chilblains are consigned to the same foggy hold that houses both Bakelite and dodo.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN refutes this idle tommyrot and insists that by November only a fool would parade the outside still clad in his summer garment.

So, the frigid gloom descends once more and with it the sense of another year drawing to its fruitless close. Yet there are those among the loyal for whom this maudlin ghost wraps not his icy fingers about their throats with its deathgrip too tight.

Their secret? They have wisely purchased their entry tickets to see CARDIACS at the Astoria Theatre on November the 10th in advance.

Disappointment looms only too heavily for our less prudent brood, foolhardily expecting their passage from the cold streets of Charing Cross into the warm glow in the presence of their favourite group to be an easy one.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can make no promise as to the availability of tickets to this event in the few days preceding it, and as always YOU are strongly advised to purchase tickets in advance.

With this warning comes resolve, (our little sweetener).

By attending early YOU will witness The Goddamn Whores, the new outfit put together by Jon Poole, featuring the glorious talents of this mighty ex-Cardiac and redoubtable colleagues Ginger and Jase Edwards of The Wildhearts and Wolfsbane repute, respectively.

Cardiacs, bending to the will of YOU, the loyal, will be performing songs that YOU requested.

Your attendance is a given.

Their mighty lungs blare out all the beauty in this world, their eyes betray sorrow, and their hands are wrought with sickness. The Girls batter YOUR heartbeat into their big bass drums.

YOU will not falter this year.

There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
In the interest of putting a public face on more covert, esoteric "backdoor" activities, it has been decided that TIM SMITH, member of Cardiacs and loyal representative of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, is to tour with Ginger from The Wildhearts new band GINGER AND THE SONIC CIRCUS.
 
Tim Smith will be the opening act of what we believe to be a "Rock Extravaganza".
He will be joined onstage by two members from the main act, Ginger himself and Jon Poole* (also from The Wildhearts and formerly Cardiacs).

Tim Smith will be performing "acoustic" versions of your favourite Cardiacs tunes with nothing to keep himself or companions in time but a Big Bass Drum**
 
Tim Smith’s solo-with-friends "skit" will be followed by freaks hurting themselves with nails and pins.
 
The main act, GINGER AND THE SONIC CIRCUS, will follow these abominations.
 
 
*Because Jon Poole believes he is no longer under the jurisdiction of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN his deportment and attire cannot be vouched for in advance.
 
** In keeping with our enviable reputation as The Scientific Concern a disclaimer must be added as thus:
The size of the bass drum is relative.
 
FOR FULL VENUE DETAILS AND HOW TO BOOK TICKETS ETC GO HERE…
http://www.gingerandthesoniccircus.com/live.php
 
23rd March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Glasgow Cathouse
Venue website: www.cathouseglasgow.co.uk
Doors 7pm, tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
24th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Bradford Rio’s
Venue website: www.bradfordrio.com
Doors 7pm, tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
25th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Newcastle Legends
Venue address: 77 Grey Street, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, NE1 6EF
Tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
26th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Wolverhampton Wulfrun Hall
Venue website: www.wolvescivic.co.uk
Doors 7pm, tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
27th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Nottingham Rock City
Venue website: www.rock-city.co.uk
Doors 7.30pm, age 14+, tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
28th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
Liverpool Academy
Venue website: www.liverpool-academy.co.uk
Doors 7pm, tickets £12.50 + booking fee
 
 
29th March 2006
Ginger and the Sonic Circus
London Islington Academy
Venue website: www.islington-academy.co.uk
Doors 7pm, tickets £14.50 + booking fee

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS 
 
With respect
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
ALL TICKETS FOR THE CARDIACS SECRET GIGS HAVE BEEN SOLD.
 
 
With respect
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
Please be advised that tickets for Cardiacs Special SECRET Concerts are on sale NOW!
 
Cardiacs will be playing a different set on each night.
 
1st night 21st December 2005 - Vol I of "The Special Garage Concerts"
2nd night 22nd December 2005 - Vol II of "The Special Garage Concerts"
 
For those who do not know, it is tunes ONLY from when Cardiacs were babies.
 
Tunes no later than 1983 and many dating as far back as 1976!
 
There will be different support acts for each night.
 
On the first night you will TREASURE a rare performance from the amazing STARS IN BATTLEDRESS.
 
On the second night be prepared for a very special and rare treat from a band we KNOW you will be EXTRA pleased to see treading them boards again!
 
To obtain your tickets please go to http://www.cardiacs.com/dates/ticket-sales and using your skill and judgement select the number of tickets you require for each night and purchase your requirements.
 
The Bull and Gate is a pub. It is not very big. It is for this reason that tickets are strictly limited to a maximum of four per person per night. They are £12 each.
 
The Bull and Gate is in Kentish Town. 389 Kentish Town, London NW5. Two minutes from Kentish Town Tube.
 
You will receive a letter of confirmation by e-mail which will thank you for your purchase and will also contain your unique name/number code that will be required to gain entrance to the venue. Do not lose this, as entrance is only assured by providing the correct combination to the doorman. No actual ticket will be issued.
 
EXAMPLE
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN thanks you for your purchase of 4 tickets to see Cardiacs on 21 Dec 2005 at The Bull and Gate, Kentish Town, London.
 
Your unique ticket code is..
 
Peter jones 1234 5
Peter jones 1234 6
Peter jones 1234 7
Peter jones 1234 8
 
Please give the doorman your name and special code number and he will politely stamp your hand and allow you in. Don’t worry about (eg;) "Peter Jones" appearing four times, it merely means that it was he who bought the tickets. It is the name/number combination that matters.
 
Please ensure you print and take your letter of confirmation to the venue on your chosen night to avoid any disappointment caused through memory loss.
 
With respect
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN