THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A LULLABY
A review of them pesky CARDIACS @ LA2, London, 11/11/00
By James
I have been trying to explain to people what the Cardiacs sound like for about 5 years now. And I still don’t know. Some people I make listen to them think that they are a sad old Metal band, others just say “Are they taking the piss?”. A bit of both, methinks. But also a whole lot more. Their songs have very clever, sometimes stunningly beautiful tunes and words, but are over fond of changing speed, or rhythm for a fraction of a second, totally throwing the listener’s concentration. More often than not, this will happen several times within a couple of bars of a tune, turning a potentially commercial CHOON into an unholy mess. Add to this big choruses (and I mean BIG… imagine lots of fat Vikings singing their hearts out going triumphantly into battle)… and mental guitar breaks, snippets of cartoon chase music and haywire drums and you’re half way there. But of course, you will come up with a different Cardiacs formula…. They mean so many things to so many people. To me, their songs are the musical equivalent of a mud hut… half ideas thrown together and scattered randomly onto frame and left to dry… leaving a deceptively solid entity but one which could collapse at any minute. The ugly bits making the beautiful bits seem more beautiful, and the beautiful bits making the ugly bits seem more ugly. I can’t remember why I love them. But I can understand why people hate them…
It is a different band from the one that your older brother saw in the mid 1980’s … gone from the live sound (but still on the records) are the toy keyboards and saxophone … gone is the thin weedy guitar, instead are massive twin glam guitars and ethereal (and seemingly totally unrelated to the songs) organs and rewinding unearthly voices. Having thrown away some potentially big breaks (supporting Blur at Mile End in 1995, being lapped up by Marc + Lard on Radio One), Cardiacs seem doomed to eternally tread the theatre circuit. But it is probably on this level that they work best. The faithful know exactly what they are getting at a Cardiacs gig. You still have to “get” the Cardiacs. They have even been playing EXACTLY the same set for the last 2 years.
As we wait for the band to return to the London stage for the first time in over a year, we file past the Cardiacs shop in the foyer, and it hits just what kind of band we are dealing with. After 20 years, they have no media profile, have never charted, but are capable of selling out of “Cardiacs” motif Alarm clocks… and Cardiacs Umbrellas.
After a good set from Austin Powers own Mini-Cardiacs support band THE MONSOON BASSOON (who, incidentally, are getting better and better), the LA2 filled up almost to bursting point as the Cardiacs intro tape started…Eraserhead-style hissing and clattering gather pace until an explosion of noise and Cardiacs launch into “A Horses Tail”, starting with an backwards Cod-Metal chug, and descending into a odd off beat reggae verse and then losing itself in a Punk Prog (“pronk” geddit?) style one note guitar solo, and then gathering itself together long enough to remember how it should end, it is a typical Cardiacs song. Indeed, 2 minutes into it through it, the pal who I brought along shouted into my ear “Is this still the same song???”. It grinds to a halt. The Mosh pit (in Cardiac-speak “THE POND”) continue to go mental chanting “JIM! JIM! JIM!” at the fat bass player…. and continue to do so until the last note of the evening. Cardiacs continued with: “In a City Lining” (containing the best SKA bit ever), “Sleep All Eyes Open” (outglamming Suede and Placebo), “She is Hiding Behind the Shed”, “Fiery Gun Hand” (The only song I would let myself publicly play air guitar to… and in fact did), “Cry Wet Smile Dry”, “Dog-Like Sparky” (would probably have made Cardiacs if it was released as a single in 1996), “Spinney”, “The Duck and Roger the Horse”, “Signs”, “Big Ship” (remember those Vikings I was telling you about?), and then did two encores: “Sparkly Silvery Sky” (a fantastic stuttering new song), “Joining The Plankton” (“Wild Thing” as played by Elastica, while being hit over the head with Spinal Tap), “Home Of Fadeless Splendor” (The Vikings in church this time), and then finally a magnificent “Stoneage Dinosaurs”. Blimmey.
Old and new fans went away happy… and the hapless tourists that had stumbled into the Astoria hoping to see the ALL SAINTS (who were in fact playing next door) seemed genuinely bemused at their luck. “Sis is English rock ya?” Could it have been better? Well, yes and no. A few surprises setlist-wise would have been nice…”Buds and Spawn” perhaps, some oldies…some Newies…Dropping “Manhoo” and “Insect Hooves on Lassie” seemed odd. But that said, I had a good time, suffering for it the next morning though.
And I introduced a pal to the cult phenomena that is Cardiacs, too. His last words to me as we left the building were ‘But James, ARE they taking the piss?’.
Praise indeed.