Testimonial 6.

My first memory of the band was of seeing stickers around Kingston bearing the name Cardiac Arrest (or as the jumbled lettering on the one on my guitar case reads, Cardiac Arret). Most of the musicians I was playing with instantly put the band down with the desultory grunt of “Huh… Punk!” The little man and a house logo was seen more and more and I noticed that they were gigging up and down the country and playing with people like Dangerous Girls and others.

A local country rock band called Little Sister was playing in a now demolished Kingston pub and I got up to do some backing vocals with them. Afterwards a maniacally grinning Tim Smith danced around me singing “Join the Cardiacs, la la la, Join the Cardiacs” etc.etc. When I asked for a tape of the band he said I didn’t need one and that I should just join. Maybe I should have listened to him.

Later in a Surbiton pub called the Oak Tavern (now the Grove) I spotted Tim selling copies of the e.p. A Bus for a Bus on the Bus and bought a copy. It really was like nothing I’d ever heard and was quite special. Then I caught a glimpse of the bizarre theatrical stage act… this band is all you could ever wish for.

So far this year I’ve been to two of the band’s gigs and they just get better and better. Worthy of laudation? The Cardiacs play music of fadeless splendour and our loyalty demands that it should be so. Why not tell a friend?

Cheeri-bye, Noel Jones.

Testimonial 7.

I first saw Cardiacs supporting Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians at what was Kentish Town T&C, I think in 1986 or 87. It was the first “club” gig I’d been to – the only show I’d been to before that was Live Aid, so I wasn’t expecting to be that impressed. This support act was on when we got there. They looked for all the world like someone had dug up a badly-decomposing brass band, and they sounded like a punk version of the “last night of the proms”. All around me, Robyn Hitchcock’s fans were looking either mildly amused or vaguely non-plussed, but me…me!!

It was a Road to Damascus encounter, a moment of clarity, Revelations 1 to 1,000,009 inclusive. I had found my “thing”. You know that scene in The Blues Brothers when the light shines through the church window and illuminates Jake, and James Brown is shouting to him “Do you see the Light?”? That was me that night, not an ounce of exaggeration I promise you, and every subsequent gig I’ve been to has felt like Cardiacs kept that original promise to bring me to life. I was about 17 then. I’m almost 30 now, and I don’t think my passion or enthusiasm have wavered once. I had a “Cardiacs flower” tattoo done as a 27th birthday present from my friends.

I immediately started writing to the band, and soon became a Family member. I went to see them in London every time they played for the next 2-3 years. I moved to Leeds in 1989, where I tried to convince everyone I met that I knew a fantastic secret and was ready to share it with them all. As you probably know, it’s not quite everybody’s cup of mud, but my enthusiasm obviously has effect, because I dragged many people to gigs in Leeds, London, Hull, Bradford and anywhere else they played through the 1990’s. I once came to a compromise with my then girlfriend on planning a trip to London; we could go to The Venue in New Cross for the “Snowy in the Pond” show, as long as I went with her to a big Monet exhibition that same weekend. A greater sacrifice was never made in the name of art. Hours I had to stare at fuzzy pictures of haystacks.

On the day of the “Maresnest” film shoot in Salisbury I was meant to be moving house across Leeds; my flatmates-to-be (bless every one of them) accepted the fact that I was going to be in that church no matter what, so they moved house for me. I had no money and had to beg and borrow to get there, but I got to travel on the Family bus from Euston, and you can see my day-glo orange afro bouncing around in the video! Worth every bit of the trouble.

I live in Edinburgh now, which more or less rules me out from seeing them live. My favourite memories are still of final numbers, when strobes would go on, illuminating the confetti which filled the air. I would be the happiest person on the planet then; spinning around, grinning like a loony, drunk on the spectacle. Then Miss Swift & The Consultant would come on with flowers and Champaign to celebrate the end of another successful show, and we celebrated too because it was ours as well.

I used to gather the confetti and keep it in a bag at home.

Bish

Testimonial 8.

I have long been under the impression that Cardiacs meant all to me. This was entirely accurate up until 11th December 1998. The performance was expected and revealed to be as per, the appearance of Mr.Drake and the good lady Smith an additional boon. The train back to Brighton was brimming to the point of a thing too full. Myself and my associate, Mr.Baker made our way to the only place of refuge – the mail van. With scant regard for our personal safety and/or hygiene, we sat on the dirty, splintered floor and exhaled with relief. T’was then I met the woman of my destiny Miss Barrett. She and her two companians had also attended the same performance and so a common bond between strangers was immediately formed. After a few attempts at impressing her with the only feat of origami I have ever mastered, that being non-flapping bird, she left my life at Preston Park station. For a week. A week of torture for my body and mind. As fortune had it Cardiacs brought us together again seven days hence at a performance in Brighton. I impressed her further with my newly learnt origami, flapping bird, and we’ve been in love ever since.

Thank you Cardiacs for helping me find somebody I love more than you.

Toby Clarke (Mr.)

Testimonial 9.

I was heading home from a night of debauched abandon in 1986,and was looking at a copy of the “Sunday Sport” Newspaper over the shoulder of a man on the bus…in the centre pages,there was a tale of disgust and horror concerning a band called “CARDIACS”. It seemed that these perverts were indulging in some weird and somewhat familial sexual practices with each other… Hmmm. It Sounded sick enough for my tastes,so I went and bought the paper. However, I never heard much more about them, until I went to see the toy dolls. One of the roadies was wearing a CARDIACS t-shirt. That band again…I should check them out.

Then in July,1987,I treated myself for my birthday,by attending a two night residency at the MARQUEE hosted by CARDIACS. I was astounded by what I heard,and instantly fell in love with the sound! I ran to the shops the next day,to find whatever I could from this weird band of degenerate clowns. I found “BIG SHIP” It seems so long ago,and yet I feel like I have only just discovered them! I have seen them so many times that I could never count…but still,I shall return for more. See you in the pond!

Evil twinky gnome,
Humphrey J.Yoghurt http://www.angelfire.com/biz2/LiveYoghurt/

Testimonial 10.

I think of The Cardiacs and I get that tight, slightly sick feeling at the top of the chest/ bottom of the throat that you’d get as a kid being driven over a hump-backed bridge. It’s strange and you’re not sure if you like it really but you want it to happen again. Every time I’ve seen them live, I’ve stood there not sure that it can feel as good this time as it did the last – for various reasons I’ve only seen them a few times with long gaps in between – and then they come on stage ( a little wider and a little greyer each time) and you feel this excited surge of relief because you know quietly that everything’s going to be alright. Then you look around and can see that lots of nothing-in-common-with-you-at-all total strangers feel exactly the same way. They start to play and you crawl inside the noise and just EXPLODE. (When you first get to a venue, everybody seems to know each other and you think ‘oh. they’re real fans then.’ and it can be a bit intimidating because they know all the words, but when the music kicks in you realise that that’s why you’re all there.)

RobK