Testimonial 61

Addiction is a terrible thing. Since discovering Cardiacs (one hazy night in a dingy nightclub way back in 1996), I have developed hideous cravings for cartoony melodies and bizarre time signatures that only Cardiacs’ music can satisfy. I have bankrupted myself chasing down their recordings and followed them around the country to attend their gigs. At one point, I was so desperate for my Cardiacs fix, I even snogged Jon Poole. (That was the very worst - he prickled and used his tongue! Yeucch!!!). And now, having enslaved me to their wickedly moreish brand of cacophony… they starve me of a new studio album for more than six years! The withdrawals are killing me!

This band’s music is insidious and thoroughly evil. Do not listen to the downloads. Do not attend their gigs. Do not buy their albums. Do not let yourself ever be exposed to any of their material. In fact, it’s probably best you leave this website now, lest you become corrupted as I have been.

Since I first heard Cardiacs, my world has been a darker and scarier place, and I exist now in constant torture, deprived of the bliss new material brings and eased only by the brief annual occurrence of their London gigs.

Cardiacs have ruined my life.

—oOo—

With love,

Andrew Philips

Testimonial 62

Dear Cardiacs and those who sail with you,

I stumbled upon the Cardiacs by accident, or so it seems. Around the mid-80s, "independent rock" was very much en vogue in my home country. Punk had nearly been eradicated by that mighty Gorgon called "New German Wave", and after the record companies were over and done with this lucrative, but puzzling phenomenon, they threw the bands away, leaving them on their own. Most of them broke apart, while others chose to find out the hard way that it can be pretty embarrassing to age without dignity, still doing the same old shtick they used to do when pterodactyls were still crossing the skies. Things went international from there, and those who were still hungry for strange sounds had a handful of TV shows they could cling to, listening to bands from all over the world. One of the shows was called "Off Beat", and it was on this show that I first got wind of the Cardiacs, as two of their videos were presented: "Is This The Life" and "Baby Heart Dirt". Needless to say, I was immediately in love with the merry tunes of the group, and in order to support the musicians´ physical and spiritual needs, I went and bought their record albums - all of them.

Well, it was something of a revelation to hear this music that was quite clearly something entirely different from what I was used to listen to at the time. It was playful without being banal. It was cheerful, but with a slightly sinister ring to it. It displayed a great amount of virtuosity on the part of the musicians, while still retaining a charming quality of innocence. The lyrics were simply dazzling. I had fallen in love. The love lasted for two years or so, when the "Day Is Gone" ep came out. I noticed that Sarah (that rare and radiant maiden!) had disappeared from the credits, and as I wasn´t able to find any other releases here in Germany, I concluded that the Cardiacs were history. Poof-tah.

Little did I know…

Through the astounding miracle known as the World Wide Web, I once again stumbled upon the Cardiacs by accident. The circumstances of said accident do not matter. I was enchanted to find that Tim and his colleagues had not even survived, but come up with many new releases. "Enchanted" is not enough to illustrate my feelings - I was enchanted, enthralled, enraptured! My love of days gone by was renewed, and even though I nearly went bankrupt buying all those little shining thingies, the joys of coming home were almost enough to break the mortal heart. What can I say - beauty incarnate! Pure aural bliss…

All´s well that ends well.

Auf Wiedersehen,
Christian Kessler

Testimonial 63

Friend Lambie
Did play the Cardiac
CD of Joy

Many Colours
I did spray forth For
Joy overcame me

Spunking Sputnik clamoured for the remote
But I bashed him with a dollhouse

I was remade in Cardiac trademarked clay

Andrew vernon

Testimonial 64

If it becomes too obvious early on that I am more than a die hard fan of the Cardiacs, please bear with me. I live in the States, and enjoyed a happy carefree childhood completely oblivious to the Cardiacs and other countries. One day my mother’s friend from the UK came to the States. For what reason, God only knows, but he left behind him the album "On Land and In the Sea", by the Cardiacs. She, being the motherly type, didn’t enjoy them terribly much, but she thought I might. Here’s where I could say something like, "And Oh! How I did, Mother!", but that’s a given. This is a testimonial.

I popped it in, and hated it. The lead singer’s voice was too high and creepy-sounding. The sounds they made didn’t make any sense to me. Eventually, the CD, now impossible to find in the States, got too damaged to listen to and, I forgot about it. During the summer, I found it, and was compelled to listen to it again. The scratches on it were pretty severe, but it still played the first few tracks. I was astounded. It was like the music that had sounded so alien was now the work of dreams. I started loving those first few songs, and would play them fairly often.

When I got my first job, the only real purchases I remember making with the money were Cardiacs albums "Guns" and "Sing To God 1&2". When I first listened to "No Gold", I wept, awestruck in the presence of genius. "Bell Stinks" and "Bell Clinks" made it well into my Top Ten Funnest Songs Ever, and I listened to either three or four times in any given day. If this sounds corny, then so be it; the music that the Cardiacs produces resonates perfectly with whatever part of my soul that belongs to music. I can’t think of any other band that comes even the slightest bit close to them in quality. At this point, I’m refusing to read anything about them, for fear of learning something that would disappoint (ie interviews, histories).

I know I’m rambling, but I could talk about the Cardiacs and never stop. So I’ll end it with this: if music is the soul of man, then the Cardiacs are the ultimate stimulation of the soul.

Chandler Gordon.

Testimonial 65

A friend lent me a Cardiacs vinyl EP in 1989. I can’t remember its name. I listened all the way through several times with it on the wrong speed without even noticing.
 
Daz